Episode 1 Diary 
Air Date: 04/07/2004 

The women tonight far exceeded my expectations. I'm flattered by the prospects that lie ahead, and I can't wait to get to know the ladies that I chose better. I have to admit, some conversations I had with the Bachelorettes during the cocktail party were a little uneasy. I realized tonight just how awkward a setting this can be. Everyone, including me, was extremely nervous, and some of my one-on-ones with the ladies felt a bit unnatural. But there were also times when I spoke to a woman and I got lost in them. I completely forgot the cameras were there. Some of these women are so gorgeous; we'd be talking, and I'd thinking to myself, "This girl is so beautiful." The words were coming out of her mouth and I just kind of sat there staring. 

I wish I could have gone on talking to the women all night. It was difficult saying goodbye to the nine ladies. I had such a great time with all of them, and I am extremely lucky to have had a chance to meet such an amazing group of women. Obviously, goodbyes are tough, but at the end of the night it's just something you have to do. It's part of the game, and I hate doing it, but I'm comfortable with the decisions I made. The 16 remaining women are all amazing. During the Rose Ceremony, I caught myself giving one woman a rose, and then giving another a rose, and every time someone new stepped up, the first thing I thought was, "God, she's beautiful." 

But I did make a huge mistake during the Ceremony. It was late, I was tired, and I mistook Karen's name for Katie. It killed me, because I didn't want to lose Karen; I am extremely excited to get to know her better. I knew right when it happened that I had to do something fast. What felt so horrible, though, was that I had to announce it in front of everybody. It would've been so easy for Katie to throw the rose in my face, call me a jerk and leave. I was shocked when she stepped forward and said, "You know what? I am going to stay." That takes a lot of guts. I feel like an idiot for doing what I did, but Katie was a great sport about it. It's weird, but I really believe things happen for a reason, and I am going to talk to Katie the next time I see her — not because I feel like I owe it to her for screwing up, but because I feel like maybe there's a reason this all happened. I am now actually starting to believe the future Mrs. Palmer was there tonight. It's wild and so exciting to think about. I feel great about the 16 women who are still here. They are sincere, genuine, and I believe they're all here for the right reasons. I have all their faces running through my head right now, and I cannot wait to see them again. 

Episode 2 Diary 
Air Date: 04/14/2004 

I went into tonight's Rose Ceremony very uncertain about a lot of things. I had questions in my mind that had not yet been resolved, and in the end, I had to make a lot of in-the-moment decisions. Right now, the main thing I feel is relief: I'm relieved I made ten great decisions and that all the women I asked to stay, wanted to. I think I picked the Bachelorettes that were here for the right reason, the ones who are sincere, genuine, honest, and really want to get to know me better. 

I ended up letting go of some who were a bit more skeptical and maybe more negative. In the end, I don't think Anne-Catherine was here for the right reason. She told me she doesn't know a lot about me, and I never saw her attempt to change that. I also felt fine not giving Kristi a rose. I'm very happy she pulled me aside and took the initiative to tell me that she didn't think that there was a future between us. I think Amber's very sweet, but she seemed very intimidated by everything and was very passive. And I wasn't sure Mandy C. was here for the right reasons — I just sensed her skepticism. I did struggle with not giving a rose to Jean Marie; there are so many things in her that I really love, but I just don't see a future. It was also hard not giving a rose to Celeste; I'm very attracted to her, and I love the fact that she's fun and outgoing, but she never really made a move.

I'm so incredibly happy that Jenny's here. I decided to keep her for another round because the decisions are just going to get harder, and I think Jenny helps me see the big picture. She's also helped me find some of the diamonds in the rough: she obviously made it clear that Tara's someone she really likes and wants me to get to know better. I believe Jenny knows who I need to be with and what it is I want. It's nice having her as a safety net — I have somebody that I can confide in. 

I'm really looking forward to finding out which women will open up. I'm surrounded by ten women who want to be here and nine who are genuinely interested in me. I hope they realize we're not in the preliminary stage anymore — they're not one in 25, or even one in 15. I have nine women to choose from, and obviously there is something about all of them that I love. 

Episode 3 Diary 
Air Date: 04/21/2004 

Going into tonight's Rose Ceremony, I felt more confident than I have throughout this entire process. I have no doubt I made the right decisions and the right people went home. That didn't make it easy to say goodbye, but I can go to sleep tonight without worrying.

Although I love Julie's personality and interest in me, I didn't offer her a rose because there isn't much else that excites me. I just don't see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

Ever since I accidentally gave Katie a rose at the first ceremony, it seemed there was some sort of a fate between us, and that maybe one of us was supposed to learn something from all this. She's a wonderful person and I've loved our time together, but tonight I decided it was over.

I also sent Jess home, and maybe she took it the hardest since I think she really liked me. I watched her as the Ceremony went on, and I could tell she had doubts. During our last couple of dates, I just felt like she was chasing me — I never saw the challenge.

I spent most of the Rose Ceremony looking at Jenny: we were sort of talking to each other without actually saying anything. I really hadn't decided whether I wanted her to stay for another round or not. It's been unbelievable having her help on this and her advice has been great, but it was time for her to go home. I have six women that I need to start progressing with, and Jenny needs to go back to her husband. 

I told Jenny during our one-on-one time that I'd probably extend Trish a rose, because I need to make my own decisions about her. I have not yet seen the qualities in Trish that Jenny told me about. I think Jenny respects and understands that, but there was definitely a reaction from all of the Bachelorettes as soon as I gave Trish that rose. I caught Jenny's eye, and saw a look of understanding mixed with confliction and disappointment — almost a warning.

D-Day is almost here. Jenny is about to be introduced again to the women — not as a potential suitor this time, but as my best friend and spy. I have no idea how the women will react but I think a lot is going to happen. I hope they realize we had honorable intentions, but I really don't envy Jenny having to face the ladies. 

I'm so excited about the remaining six women. When I look at their faces, I can envision myself spending the rest of my life with all of them. I can't wait to get on my date tomorrow. I don't know who it's with or where we're going, but I'm excited. 

Episode 4 Diary 
Air Date: 04/28/2004 

I felt very confused while I waited for the women to arrive tonight. I kept trying to think of questions I needed to ask and signs I needed to look for. It's difficult going into a Rose Ceremony not knowing how it's going to end, but what made tonight particularly difficult was that the roses meant I was going to meet families. The stakes were higher — a mistake would be costly.

The environment in the house was so different from the past Rose Ceremonies. It seems like yesterday when there were 25 women downstairs, and it was like a big party. Tonight there were six women left and I felt the anxiety all around the house. Before the party started, I had already given out two roses in my head — the other two were up for grabs. In the end, I cut Karen and Suzie.

Karen and I just didn't have enough time — I felt like I was taking too great a leap of blind faith. Meeting families is too important to me, and if I meet someone else's family, I'd at least like to have a pretty good feeling for who they are and where they come from. With Karen it was just too uncertain.

The time I spent with Suzie tonight was just like every other time we've had together. We get along so well and we're so compatible in so many ways. Suzie easily possesses the qualities I look for in a woman. It was a very difficult decision, but I had to go with my gut.

I have to admit now I'm wondering if I made a mistake by not giving Suzie a rose. It's hard because this is my decision, but it makes me wonder when I get such strong reactions from these other ladies. When I called Trish's name to give her my third rose, she accepted and as she walked back, I looked at Tara. Tara had this look on her face like, "What are you doing?" And I look at Jessica B., and she couldn't even look at me. She looked at the ground, and then at Tara as if saying, "Are you serious?"

Based on what I saw, I wondered again if there's something I'm missing. But this is my decision, and I gave Trish a rose because it's what I believe. There are a lot of things the other women know about Trish that I don't, but there are also a lot of things that I know about Trish that the women don't. I wanted Trish to know that I don't judge people by things they've done in the past. As long as they feel like they've learned from their mistakes, I think they ultimately become better people. But I know the other girls don't like Trish. Obviously she's done or said something in that house that is pretty powerful. My biggest fear for tonight was I would maybe send the right girl home and keep the wrong girl. And I'm second-guessing myself right now. Sometimes you have to realize a poor investment and cut your losses; I can't decide if this is one of those times.

I never thought being the Bachelor would take this kind of emotional toll. I was way more confident going in than I should have been. There have been times where I've felt great but, to be honest, I didn't think I'd feel like I do tonight. I don't feel so good. I should be really excited, and in a lot of ways I am, but I'm also confused.

Looking forward, I'm so excited to meet the families of these four unbelievable women. I'm really hoping it'll clear some things up for me. It's also a little stressful; there's a good chance that the next time I see one of these parents, I'll be engaged to their daughter. And as exciting as that is, it's also a bit eye opening for me. It's kind of a shock, but that's what makes this week so special. 

Episode 5 Diary 
Air Date: 05/05/2004 

Tonight was obviously the biggest Rose Ceremony so far, and it was certainly the most important decision I've made up to this point. I let a great woman go, and it was tough. 

When I walked Trish out, I knew I had to be honest with her; she was never anything less than that with me and deserved the same. For the first time, Trish didn't have a lot to say when we were outside talking on the bench. It seemed like she was almost pleading to me with her eyes, saying, "Jesse, tell me this isn't happening. Tell me you're just kidding, and I'm going back inside."

It's hard because, when I woke up this morning, I didn't know who was going to get the three roses. I've been thinking about it all day, but when it came time for the Rose Ceremony, there was no question in my mind that the right woman went home. I don't have any regrets about letting Trish go — it's what I needed to do. Trish and I aren't meant to be together. 

Just thinking about the three remaining women now, I know I made the right decision. While Tara and I were talking at the Rose Ceremony, she said, "Jesse, you know, I really like you, and don't break my heart." It felt amazing to hear her say that; the big question I've had so far with her is whether she could open up and be herself in this kind of environment. And I think every time we're together, I see her coming out of her shell more and more. That really excites me, and I cannot wait to get to my exotic location with her because I think we can finally start to move forward. 

During our alone time tonight, Mandy Jaye told me once again that she's here for the right reasons and that she's not giving me "pageant" answers. At first I wasn't convinced, but the more I talked to Mandy, the more I started to realize how sincere she was. She is an amazing person, and I can't wait to spend more time with her. 

It was great to see Jessica tonight. I had such a good time with her family, and seeing her again really brought a smile to my face. It's so funny because I always get these nervous feelings when I see her. I know I have a crush on Jessica, but I want to find out if I can spend the rest of my life with her.

I'm so excited about going on these exotic dates. I now get a chance to take all of this to the next level, and it feels great. I'm looking forward to being with the women in some exotic locations, and more intimate settings. I know right now that I can date all of these girls. What I need to find out is if I can spend the rest of my life with one of them. 

As much as I'm looking forward to the next step, I'm actually pretty scared right now. I truly am in love with a couple of different women. I think part of me is saying, "This is wrong, you shouldn't be in love with more than one person." I feel guilty, but at the same time, I can't deny the way I'm feeling. I'm really hoping the next round of dates will give me some clarity. 

Episode 6 Diary 
Air Date: 05/12/2004 

It was really hard to say goodbye to Mandy J. tonight. I have strong feelings for her and when I saw the hurt in her eyes and heard it in her voice, it was so painful. At the same time, I knew letting her go was the right thing to do. I'm starting to fall in love with Jessica and Tara, and I'm not falling in love with Mandy J., and somehow, that made what I had to do okay. 

The two roses I gave out tonight are very important because now these women are going to have a chance to meet my family. My family and their opinions mean the world to me, and I'm interested to see what their response is going to be after meeting Tara and Jessica. I haven't brought a lot of women home to meet my parents, but I think my family will love them both. 

Right now, I really need some clarity and I'm hoping this hometown visit will help me find that. I think the biggest thing my family's going to be looking for between Tara and Jessica is if they're able to love me. I know my mom wants me to be with someone who's really sweet, who's going to take care of me, and who is going to be good around kids and my brothers. The best thing that could happen would be that after meeting the women, my family would either say, "Jesse, we think Tara is unbelievable," or "Jesse, we think Jessica is the one for you." That would be ideal.

All I can hope is that, when my hometown visit is done, I know exactly what to do. That's why this next step is so important — bringing both Jessica and Tara back to meet my family could easily determine which woman I spend the rest of my life with.  

Episode 7 Diary 
Air Date: 05/19/2004 

I'm so excited that I can finally tell Jessica how I feel about her. It's been so hard not being able to reciprocate all of the things she's said to me. I'm madly in love with Jessica, and I can't wait to tell everyone about it.

I really do think Jessica and I belong together. I can't wait to bring her back to my real world and share it with her. I want her to spend time with my family and my teammates and my friends. And I want her to come to New York and chase her own dreams. 

There are so many emotions running through me right now. Of course, I'm relieved that this whole thing is over, but I'm happy, and just so excited, because now I'm standing with someone who I've fallen madly in love with, and I'm just crazy about. We finally have the chance to start a real life together and grow together. Jessica just made this entire experience worth it.